Satire and opinion. Not affiliated with the Election Commission of India, any political party or any government body.
Claymation-style satirical illustration of three officials at a podium in front of a tricolour backdrop

Gyanu, it’s done, bro.

The unofficial, unapologetically one-sided gazette for citizens who would like to see the file. Receipts, demands, a petition and a great deal of chai.

Satire only: none of this happened

A referee should be boring.

Nobody should know the umpire’s name, his schedule, or what he thinks of the weather. When a whole country starts learning the umpire’s name, something has gone wrong with the game, or with the way the umpire was picked.

That is the joke on this page, and also the point. We are citizens with opinions, a sense of humour and no patience for being told “it’s done” when we asked “how?”

One-sided on purpose. Satire has never been a fair fight. But under every charge below we print the other side’s reply, so you can still make up your own mind and then, ideally, go vote.

We do not claim any election was rigged. We claim the public is owed more transparency than it is getting, and we are asking for it in writing.

Ten things we’d like, politely, in writing

Our manifesto fits on a postcard. Several of these are long-standing asks from election-reform groups and opposition parties; the jokes are ours.

The receipts: the Commission, itemised

Six public controversies, summarised from widely reported record. Each slip carries what critics say and what the Commission or government says back. Check the details yourself; reporting moves fast and so do press notes.

The selection panel

2023 to 2025

Critics say: In 2023 the Supreme Court said that, until Parliament passed a law, election commissioners should be chosen by the Prime Minister, the Leader of the Opposition and the Chief Justice. Parliament then passed a law swapping the Chief Justice for a Union Cabinet minister. Critics say that hands the government a standing majority on the committee that picks its own referee. When the current Chief Election Commissioner was chosen, the Leader of the Opposition recorded a dissent and was outvoted.

The other side: The government says Parliament is entitled to decide how appointments are made, and that the Court’s panel was only a stopgap until it did.

Your verdict: ______________

The great roll revision

2025

Critics say: The Special Intensive Revision of Bihar’s voter rolls asked millions of people to re-establish their eligibility on a compressed timeline, in a state where paperwork is unevenly held. They feared that real voters, especially migrants, the poor and women, would quietly fall off the list, and that the fine print kept shifting about which documents counted.

The other side: The Commission says rolls carry duplicate, deceased and ineligible entries and that cleaning them is its legal duty. Courts examined which documents should be accepted.

Your verdict: ______________

“Vote chori” and the sworn declaration

August 2025

Critics say: The Leader of the Opposition alleged that the rolls for one Bengaluru constituency held duplicate and invalid entries, and asked for machine-readable rolls so that claims like his could be checked at scale. Critics say the answer to a request for data should be data, not a demand for a signed oath.

The other side: The Commission called the claims baseless, asked for a sworn declaration, and said searchable rolls would compromise voter privacy. The ruling party called it an excuse for election losses.

Your verdict: ______________

The slow numbers

2024 general election

Critics say: After several phases, final turnout figures arrived days late and were higher than the first announcement, and polling-station-wise data was not promptly published. Reform groups went to court. If the numbers are fine, they ask, why not show the working?

The other side: The Commission says early figures are provisional estimates that always change, and that the criticism aimed to manufacture doubt. The Supreme Court did not order immediate release at that stage.

Your verdict: ______________

An uneven whistle?

Every campaign season

Critics say: Opposition parties keep complaining that notices over speeches and campaign conduct arrive faster or slower depending on who made them, and that some complaints seem to vanish into a drawer. They would like the drawer to have a glass front.

The other side: The Commission says it acts on every complaint and has issued notices to leaders of all parties, including the ruling one.

Your verdict: ______________

The postcard problem

Ongoing

Critics say: Questions from opposition parties, journalists and civil society often come back as a press note, a demand for an affidavit, or silence. Citizens ask “how did you reach this?” and receive “it’s done.” The slogan is ours; the feeling is shared.

The other side: The Commission says it responds through established channels and that serious allegations need evidence behind them.

Your verdict: ______________

The ruling party’s report card

The Bharatiya Janata Party has governed at the Centre since 2014. This is the opposition’s version of the report card, with the government’s reply under each entry. Tap a subject to open it.

Jobs and pricesGrowth is real. So is the graduate who cannot find a job.

Critics say: Youth unemployment stays stubbornly high, household budgets are squeezed by prices, and the headline growth number never quite reaches the tea stall. Everyone is told the economy is flying; many are still waiting for their boarding pass.

The other side: The government points to some of the fastest growth among major economies, record infrastructure spending, wider welfare delivery and a larger formal economy.

Electoral bondsAn anonymous donation scheme, struck down by the Supreme Court.

Critics say: The Supreme Court struck the scheme down in 2024 as unconstitutional, and disclosed data showed the ruling party received the largest share of the money. Critics ask who paid, who benefited, and why a scheme meant to clean up funding made it harder to see.

The other side: The government said the scheme was meant to move donations away from cash. All major parties accepted bonds, and the ruling party notes the scheme was legal when it was used.

Investigative agenciesThe “washing machine” allegation.

Critics say: The opposition alleges that central agencies are used selectively against its leaders, and that cases lose momentum once a leader changes sides. Its name for the phenomenon is the washing machine: dirty case goes in, clean politician comes out.

The other side: The government says agencies act independently, that the law takes its course, and that corruption cases do not become invalid because the accused happens to be in politics.

ParliamentDebate is the point of a parliament.

Critics say: Major bills pass with thin debate. In December 2023 well over a hundred opposition MPs were suspended in a single session, while sweeping criminal-law overhauls went through. Critics say a house with no opposition in it is just a very large room.

The other side: The government says the opposition disrupted proceedings, that the suspensions followed the rules, and that the criminal-law bills had been examined by a parliamentary committee.

Governing by surpriseThe farm laws, from passage to repeal.

Critics say: The three farm laws of 2020 were pushed through with little consultation, set off a year of protests and were repealed in 2021. Critics call it a pattern: announce first, consult later, and apologise by repeal.

The other side: The government said the laws were meant to open up farmers’ markets and that it withdrew them out of respect for the protesting farmers’ sentiments.

Press freedomRanked low, and not happy about being told.

Critics say: India sits in the lower ranks of global press-freedom indices. They point to raids, cases against journalists and a media landscape where ownership has concentrated in friendly hands.

The other side: The government rejects such indices as biased and methodologically flawed, and points to a noisy, diverse media that criticises it daily.

Exam paper leaksMillions of students, one recurring headline.

Critics say: Repeated paper-leak scandals, including the NEET-UG row of 2024, shook the trust of students who studied for years for a single exam. Critics say accountability arrives slower than the leak.

The other side: The government says it tightened the law against unfair means in public examinations and ordered investigations.

How we got here, roughly

A short timeline of the public record behind the jokes. Our editors’ knowledge runs out around mid-2026, so check the news for what happened next.

  1. March 2023

    The Supreme Court says election commissioners should be chosen by a panel of the Prime Minister, the Leader of the Opposition and the Chief Justice until Parliament makes a law.

  2. December 2023

    Parliament passes that law. The Chief Justice is replaced on the panel by a Union Cabinet minister.

  3. February 2024

    The Supreme Court strikes down the electoral bonds scheme.

  4. April to June 2024

    General election. A row breaks out over the delayed release of final turnout figures.

  5. February 2025

    Gyanesh Kumar takes over as Chief Election Commissioner after a panel meeting where the Leader of the Opposition records his dissent.

  6. June and July 2025

    The Special Intensive Revision of Bihar’s rolls is announced. Opposition parties and civil society go to court.

  7. August 2025

    The “vote chori” campaign begins. The Commission rejects the allegations and asks for a sworn declaration.

  8. Late 2025

    The Commission announces revision drives in more states.

  9. And then?

    Open a news app. It moves faster than a press note.

The Done-o-Meter

Type in anything at all, a deadline, a diet, a relationship, and receive an instant, fully unverifiable ruling.

Ask and the stamp shall fall.

An open letter to Gyanu

Dear Gyanu, bro,

We hope this finds you well and, more importantly, finds you in a mood to answer.

We are told the rolls are clean. Lovely. Could we see the cloth? We are told the numbers are final. Wonderful. Could we see the working? We are told the complaints are being looked into. Heartwarming. Could we have a date by which the looking ends?

We are not asking for much. Just the transparency of a school quiz, where the teacher shows the answer key after the exam and not before it.

Until then we will keep sending postcards, memes and strongly worded chai.

Yours in good faith and bad puns,
The Gazette

Overheard at the chai stall

Fiction, obviously. No real people were consulted or quoted.

They are revising the list, you know.

Good. I have always wanted to be revised.

They will remove the dead and the duplicates.

I checked. I am alive. I am also unique. The list remains unconvinced.

Did you ask them?

I did. They said, “it’s done.”

Why do they keep saying the referee is neutral?

Because nobody has asked him to prove it.

And who picks the referee?

Drink your tea.

Questions we expect

Is this an official site?

No. It is satire and opinion by people with no connection to the Election Commission, any party or any government body.

Are you saying elections are rigged?

No. We do not claim that any election was rigged. We argue that the institutions running elections should be chosen more independently and should publish more data, and we make fun of the habit of answering questions with “it’s done.”

Is this fair?

It is one-sided by design, like most satire. To keep it honest, every charge on this page comes with the reply from the other side. Read both, then decide.

Do you quote real people?

No. The slogan is ours and no statement on this page is attributed to any real person. The chai-stall chats and the open letter are fiction and comedy.

Why “bro”?

Because “Dear Sir” did not get a reply.

Where does my signup go?

Into this page’s own database, which only the page owner can see. Please read the note under the form before you submit anything.

Sign the postcard

Add your name to the demand for more transparency. Pick the ask that matters most to you and tell us why, if you like. We will keep you posted when there is something new to read, or to laugh at.

Your details are stored in this page’s own database and are visible to the page owner. Only use details you are comfortable sharing, and never submit anyone else’s.